Sunday, May 20, 2007

the one i love..

Tomorrow will be a new day. I believe with this mindset, I can overcome this. My world seems empty without her presence. Whenever I think of the bad times, I cry. Even when I try to think of the happy moments I have had with her, I cry even harder. Possibly because I could never share anything with her again. I could no longer hear her, getting her to chase me or even feed her with the ever famous luncheon rice.

I remember the first night she came. I was carrying her in my arms, showing her the beautiful night lights in the city and hoping that she would watch. Then, she was too shy. She looked out of the window for a moment, then looked down again. I knew she would miss her family. Her mom and also her siblings. Albeit all these, I knew deep down in my heart, that she would grow to love me. And she did.

She was tiny and cuddly. Really miss the times when I hug her like a bear. When she was given her very first meal at home, I expected her not to eat much. I thought that she would be shy and would eat only a little. Never did it cross my mind that she would finish the whole plate of rice. There was not a single grain of rice left.

Her first night here which was on 27 September 2005, we locked her in the cage. We did not want to pamper her for her own good. The plan was to let her roam free in the day and lock her in during her bedtime. However, she did not like it. She was barking so loudly that the neighbours and us could not have a good night sleep. My mom checked on her before she went to bed and she found her paws resting in her bowl which was full of water. She loved water very much but to my surprise, she hates bathing. The pattering of the rain on the roofs was her favourite sound after the sound of her bowl being loaded with delicious food.

From that first night on, we failed to lock her. She had the biggest kennel - our compound. She changed my pastime too. I loved looking at her whenever she sat by the door. I would call her name and she would be hoping that I would give her favourite Julie biscuits. I taught her some new tricks. And she learnt really fast. Although she would never understand the game of Fetch!, I am still very proud of her. Her type of game was not what ordinary dogs play. She would fetch the tennis ball that I threw and grabbed it tightly in between her teeth and not let go. She wanted me to grab the ball from her mouth. Sometimes the grip was strong, sometimes it was not.

Towel, another favourite item of hers. She would play tug-a-war whenever I tried grabbing the towel from her. Biting is her passion. She had such strong teeth just like steel. One thing for sure, she did not use those 'steels' to bite me. Her over-excitedness would only result to the scratches on my legs. I did not mind. I love her just the same. I am still having the scratch she gave me and it was fading fast. At times, I do not want that would to heal. Why can't it just remain there to be a part of me?

Whenever I went out, she would follow me to the gate and wagged her beautiful bushy tail. She would do the same when I returned home each time. Occasionally, she was so lazy that she would lie down in front of the gate waiting for me or some cats which she liked to bark at. Once she saw one, she would bark so loudly and would only stop when the cat disappeared.

She was not so picky when it comes to food. Although she chose her food sometimes, she did not trouble me. I cooked the same kind of food that she would finish so there was not any wastage of food. Another wonder about her is her extremely good bowel system. She could excrete almost immediately after she had eaten. I was so relieved that she was born as a healthy dog. Very, very healthy.

She continued to grow mature and more obedient to commands. I would command her to sit and she would obey.

Fate, something that is cruel and unforgiving. It made a turning point in my life without me realising it. The coming of it was unannouced. That fateful day was the worst day for her. She was run over by a four-wheeled drive. She ran home on fours right after the accident on that day, 16 May 2007. I could feel her pain. She was whining so pitifully that I cried my heart out. I did not want to lose her!

We sent her to the vet and the veterinian said that if she manage to go through 24 hours, she would be all right. I was a little bit relieved to hear that. That night, I could not eat much. The appetite just disappeared. She looked normal that night.

The following day, I returned home after school and saw her still doing quite fine. Her stomach was bloated. I thought it was wind. She could no longer eat but she could drink a lot of water. Her stomach continued to swell. I applied some oil for her and she seemed to get better. However, that night, her condition deteriorated. She was so weak and almost fainted while sitting up straight by the door. I was getting paranoid. What if she leaves me tonight?

I knew I could never accept it. My mom thought she would die that night and three of us, my mom, sis and I cried and hugged her. Please don't leave us..please don't! We were crying the whole night accompanying her.

On the 18 May, I opened the door, expecting the worst. She was still alive. I was really glad! I was telling my mom that I would consider letting her go for the surgery that the vet had suggested. Later in the day, my mom told me that the vet came and she did not need the surgery. Her stomach was bloated because there were blood clots and she would heal in no time. I could never express how happy I felt that day. It was as if the sun was shining extremely bright that it would not rain anymore. She was getting more active after being injected with some nourishments. She was well that night until the next day.

19 May 2007 - The day she left me. She was still normal in the morning. She vomited a few times. She drank a lot of water but urinated little. She returned home to the Lord at about 11.30 a.m. in front of us - my mom, sister and I. I closed her eyes and bid her goodbye with a silent prayer for the final time. All those happy moments I had with her seemed to freeze at that point of time. I could never see her again. All that I could see was her body, getting stiffer every minute.

I thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity to appreciate her more during the 3 extra days I had with her. Love is not about possessing but it's about learning to let go and be happy for one to be able to attain greater happiness. Just like her, I want her to suffer no more and I believe very well that life in paradise is something which will make her happy and obtain eternal freedom. She will always the greatest being I have ever known and I will keep her in my heart. Someday, I will meet her again in heaven. The separation is only temporary.

I love you, Saffy.

5 wrote a note:

puiyun said...

wait wait. Did i just read wrongly???????????

she was alright the morning we chatted right???

i'm sorry fi... i'm so sorry for your loss.

puiyun

weili said...

hey there,

i'm so sorry to hear bout saffy. despite the constant complaints and scoldings that i hear from you about her, it is very very clear that you actually love her so very very much don't you? i would be quite blind not to mention quite dumb not to see that..=P but anyhow, she's off to a better place.

i've read your comment and i wonder if you mind telling me how you found me? hehe...just curious. but not offended don't worry. feel free to drop me anymore comments when you feel like it. appreciate it loads.

anyway, i'm back home. it feels so so so good to be home. haha
holidays for 7 weeks. maybe we could fix a day out for a movie during your hols. hehe...

till i cya....

take care.

Joanna said...

Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Knew she meant a great deal to you. Do be comforted in the fact that she's in a much better place.
Take care!

kenny said...

sorry to hear tht..know tht u love her alot...but as u said..this separation is just temporary..cheer up...

wacky_wans said...

i'm sorry over what happened =( .. she was lovely .be strong , dear . *hugz*